The condiments are lined up like soldiers on the formica countertop. Captain Mustard, as yellow as a frosty glass of lemonade on a July afternoon, is their leader. He stands straight and tall, his flat-top helmet reaching towards the ceiling. He’s not “mean” like Lennon’s Mr. Mustard, he’s a benevolent leader. Short and squat King Catsup, as red as a blushing bride, announces his presence by taking up most of the space in this formation. Mr. and Mrs. Hot Sauce, tall and slim, cut an elegant figure among this colorful group. Saucy in more ways than one, this couple always elicits smiles of knowing whenever they’re in the room. Of course, this regiment would not be complete without the twin pillars of flavor, the yin and yang of the spice world, Salt and Pepper. Their washboard-ribbed glass bodies are short and stocky and as we all know, good things often do come in small packages. “We ain’t no designer sea salt or gourmet peppercorns that you grind onto your food, we’re just good old salt and pepper, the same stuff your mama used when you were a kid.” A simple white porcelain boat sits on the outer edge of this array of condiments, it sails along a calm sea of formica to deliver sugar and “swing low” Sweet & Low to their caffeinated destinations. Another tiny vessel, this one as round as a washtub, carries even tinier tubs of cream as its passengers. How very sad a nice, hot cup of coffee would be if this “little boat that could” did not arrive on time. 

Condiments are the unsung heroes of the restaurant world. A burger without catsup? Unheard of! Coffee without cream? Perish the thought! A hot dog without mustard is a not dog unless there’s a thick bead of mustard running along its length. Life is not worth living without some spice to liven things up so let’s hear it for the Tabascos and Tapatias of the world. Let’s face it, food as we know it would simply not exist without the perennial power couple of salt and pepper! Three cheers for condiments, hip, hip hooray!!